Someone took Oregon Trail nostalgia and asked, "How over the top absurd can I make this?" "Very," this person said in reply, and was correct. Super Amazing Wagon Time Adventure Game Turbo is a retro-graphics side-scrolling shooter starring a covered wagon heading west, three people you can name after your best friends, worst enemies, pets, or politicians, and a mixture of random and scripted events that will have you laughing.
Unless you're in one of the handful of on-foot sequences, you're shooting wildlife and bandits as you race your wagon across plains, mountain passes, and deserts. You'll pick up limited-ammo weapon powerups such as shotguns, airstrikes, and magic wands and possibly trade your trusty pistol for a magic sword or a trained falcon you find in an underwater treasure chest. You'll choose between fording a river and leaping it, in a decision that could lead you to fighting a satellite in low earth orbit or fighting off angry bears.
And you will kill buffalo. You will slaughter your way through a horde of buffalo so thick you will never want to see another. You will fight buffalo en masse. You will fight them in the sky. You will fight them on fire. You will hate these lumbering, flaming beasts that mercilessly ram your wagon to shreds and innocently traipse through your entrails. Even more than the bandits who choose to shoot at you, you will hate buffalo.
Play unlocks survival modes that let you dodge snakes, murder piranha, and fight off zombies. You can play an infinite travel mode. You can unlock unique wagons, each with their own special weapons (offering great and interesting choices for gameplay). But there is no mode that lets you get your vengeance on the hateful buffalo that now haunt my dreams.
Thanks, Super Amazing Double Wagon Time Adventure Game Turbo Ultra. I am a broken man.