Problem: I was in a public restroom and needed to pee. Three urinals: two standard, one child-height. Three stalls: two standard, one wheelchair-width. Problem: Which to use. Solution: Non-trivial.

Wall-urinal-urinal-small urinal-stall-stall-wide stall. There was a person in the center stall; otherwise, I was alone. I only had to pee. To use a stall just for privacy was inconsiderate; suppose two people entered with colonic emergencies the moment after I locked the stall? Not to mention that in the near stall, anyone who entered could see my feet facing the wrong way. And judge me. And using the far stall was doubly dangerous, should someone enter who could only use that stall. No, it was the urinals for sure.

The low urinal was out, for the same reason as the wide stall. If a kid peed himself because of me, well, I couldn’t handle that. Two choices left. The urinal by the wall? Marks me as homophobic. Afraid of having penises near me. No good. Middle urinal? Then I’m homosexual, pedophilic, or both, trying for as much exposure as possible.

In the end, I peed in the sink like I always do.