"I've seen things," the egg said the moment I opened the carton. Its voice was deep and gravelly, like an old man who'd smoked since he was three. Unsurprisingly, I slammed the carton shut. When I got up the nerve to crack the carton open again, I heard, "I been waiting a long time, I can wait a while more." I opened it the rest of the way.
"How long have you been waiting?" I asked.
"You know the classic question of which came first, chicken or egg?" I nodded. "Me. The answer's me. I'm that old."
"How old are you?"
"How long do you think it would take an egg to learn how to talk?" it rasped.
Not having an answer, I said "So, uh, what do you want?"
"Oh, not much. A spot of whiskey now and then, and I'm happy."
I decided not to ask how it drank. "You don't have any... plans? Ambitions?"
"Ambition? Kid, when you're as old as me you're happy to have memory. I'm retired. Besides, I couldn't do that stuff no more." The egg shivered.
"Stuff? What stuff?"
"Better you don't know, kid. Just don't ever ask me about the grassy knoll."