Spoken from the Heart

fum. fum. fum. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore it. Such a frustrating contradiction. I feel comfortable sleeping on my back, head on my pillow, turned to the right; my body wants to do it. But as soon as my right ear presses against the pillow… fum. fum. fum. I hear my heartbeat pulsing in my ear.

I lie down and relax into that most comfortable position, and fum. fum. fum. I hear it, and I try, I try, I try to ignore it, and it keeps me up. I have to switch to another position before I can sleep.

And sometimes no other position will do. Tonight is like that. My body wants only this position; my ears want anything but. And no matter how studiously I ignore it, there is my fum fum fum, boring its way into my brain. I’ve heard how sounds you hear over and over tend to disappear, but it’s never worked for this.

Dammit. I’ve spent so long trying to ignore it, maybe listening to it will help. Like meditating by listening to breathing, maybe. Here goes.

fum. fum. fum.

fummm. fummm. fummm.

fum. fum. fum.

Wait. Is that Morse code?